Learning To LET GO

Letting Go is something easier to said than doing it.

Letting Go what wasn't meant to be is really hard. It involved accepting the fact that the person no longer like you anymore, the person doesn't treat like a friend anymore, the person hate you, the person got other friend, the person put on a different face in front you, the person speak bad about you, the person  no longer need you, the person "USED" you, the person ......

Frankly speaking this is whole lot of mental work. You need continuously brain wash yourself, that the person is a good person, that I myself had a mental problem, that I myself is the problem... that I myself is too sensitive. Sometimes, It's not I think too much (pardon my english), is what happen surrounding that make me think this way.

I am a person who is really sensitive to human being reaction, it's a bad habit of mine to stare at human being that caught my attention. So the moment I catch the person have that annoyed look, it really annoyed me at the same time, but I need to ACT as if nothing has happen and try to correct thing right. I am so sick of this.

So, in order not to disappoint anybody, I need to LET GO ... let people have their companion that they want, let me be the invisible one. I don't want hold anything that doesn't belong to me. If the friend that doesn't belong to me, I don't want. If that person really treat me as friend, he will come, no point going through a WAR to get something that doesn't belong to me.

This is so tiring .... being a single individual without even a soul standing next to you is whole lot easier.

I really miss those people that I get to see and talk everyday and not worrying about snatching other people friend.  I can talk to them everything under the sky, without worrying they will hate me or talk bad about me behind my back. Really miss those people. We can talk and laugh and make fun of each other, but at the same time respecting other culture. They will not have judgement towards me, we can share food and will often treat each other. I miss those people that really know who am I , without me explaining too much.

It take so much effort to build something from zero.

Mental Condition: Pessimistic

Being in a new working environment really drive me crazy. I miss my old place and my old colleague.
I find out that, the more I get older the more pessimistic I am. I always only expect the bad or the worst that could happen to me. I will not believe that good thing will happen to me.

I cannot stand anybody that speak bad remarks or bad comment on anything I do.

I need to find peace with myself, to have more confident and to find an angel in each person eyes.

Suddenly I realize that my current mental condition is not suitable for me to have a boyfriend. Even if someone nice standing in front of me, I will not believe that a human being will come to like me. I will think of all the evil thought he might have, and will not believe that such good thing will happen to me.

Actually what my ex-boss said is true. He called me before I just about to start my current job. He said why not came back to work for him, why work for a new company with new environment. He said you need to adapt to the environment , which is whole lot of work.

I began find peace with loneliness. I am more relax with myself. I can do or go whatever I want. But sometimes I do need a friend beside me.